Newt Gingrich

Oh boy... An interesting fellow, that Newt Gingrich is... You may have heard of his campaign staffers resigning en masse (I love how when the media wants something to sound important, they put it in French). I think we all know that they only did that because he was secretly using another campaign staff. I mean, he has plenty of experience doing that to his wives, so it's only logical. Honestly, do I even need to lay out a case against him? The man is nuts! After cheating on his 746th wife, he claimed that he did so because he loved his country so much. Is he able to take himself seriously? Look, I don't think that cheating on your spouse should automatically get you ejected from politics forever. Look at Bill Clinton, for example. He did a great job, as did the wife who he cheated on. However, if you repeatedly cheat on your multiple wives, then maybe your responsibility and honesty should be questioned. America also has a religious strain that could cripple him immensely. Not because he's not religious (although he did leave the Southern Baptist church to become Catholic), but because most religions do not approve of adultery. Newt Gingrich is an expert adulterer. Now, the religious strain is slowly but surely diminishing. The troubling thing, though, is that we also have a much more disturbing strain that only seems to be getting bigger, if anything. That would the the anti-intellectual strain that elected Dwight Eisenhower in 1952, as well as George W. Bush in 2000 and various other elections. It's sort of the "just like us" ideal. Now, I find myself to be reasonably intelligent, but I want my president to be way smarter than me. Now, Americans as a whole tend to think that they're really smart, and they want to have a president who is like them. They see intelligent people as elitist and disconnected. I can imagine some hick saying, "Wayull, there is that high falootin' Barack HOOsain Obama, but he'all Harvard edjamacaited and stuff, and he lives in a fancy house with only one wife, and he dun understayund what us avverge Amurricans want!" Look. Just because you have a 5th grade understanding of economics and government does not mean that you know better than the president how to solve the Middle east. If you're so sure, how about you run yourself. Excuse my tangent, but my point is that people like Newt Gingrich and Sarah Palin are "avverge Amurricans" and they appeal to the masses, whereas Obama is an out of touch elitist, which is exactly what we need as president.

As of now, my ranking of who will win the primary:

1. Mitt Romney: 31.7%.

2. Tim Pawlenty: 26.9%.

3. Ron Paul: 13.6%. I still don't think he will win, because he's far too libertarian for the general public, but according to a poll of TIME readers, I could be wrong. Over 50% of readers expect him to win the primary. I completely disagree, but I've been wrong before. Once. Okay, not really, but I suppose that it is technically possible for me to be wrong. Technically.

4. Michele Bachmann: 11.2%.

5. Herman Cain: 6.3%.

6. Rick Santorum: 5.1%.

7. Gary Johnson: 2.1%.

8. Newt Gingrich: .00001%. His fundraising staff left too. He's over a million dollars in debt. He won't survive 2 primaries.

9. Fred Karger: .0000001%.

10. Thomas Jefferson: .000000001%. He is the perfect embodiment of conservative values, but the Virginia statute of religious freedom might be off-putting to some voters, as would the fact that he had an illegitimate child with someone who was of a different race! He would be way higher if he wasn't dead.

Other: 3.099989899%

Odds of beating Obama should he or she win the nomination:

Romney: 1:7.

Pawlenty: 1:2.

Bachmann: 1:54.

Cain: 1:28.

Santorum: 1:13.

Paul: 1:431,226. Apparently I thought too highly of the General American Public. I still think, though, that social conservatives would be appalled by his very libertarian stance.

Johnson: 1:4.

Gingrich: 1:1,734,168.

Karger: 1:???.

Jefferson: 34:1. Even dead, poorly educated liberals and all teabaggers (including the 4 educated ones) idolize him, and so he would win with easy bipartisan support.

EDIT: I just learned that Jon Huntsman is now an official candidate. I won't add him to this post, but I'll get him in the next one. So don't hate me.